NOT everyone in Exeter carrying a guitar can necessarily carry a tune. I discovered this to my dismay on Monday while soaking up the sun on Cathedral Green. Stacy and I had happened upon that rarity of an empty bench beside the statue of Richard Hooker. As we settled down to people watch, enjoy the frivolity of the students playing ball games and the sight of the Red Coats leading the tourists across the green, I was made aware of an awful rendition of one of my favourite Simon and Garfunkel tunes.

I noticed that Stacy was, like me, losing the will to live, when she uttered what has since become my favourite Americanism: "God, that's brutal."

Stood directly behind us, on the other side of the wall, was a man in his late 30s or early 40s, either way he was old enough to know better. Happy with his own performance and financially no better off than before the song, he then proceeded to murder Cyndi Lauper's hit Girls Just Want To Have Fun. Why are smokers who invade your space scorned, yet bad street musicians tolerated?

I looked at the statue of Richard Hooker and realised the real reason it had been moved 10ft in recent weeks was it was slowly trying to get away. If only everyone on Cathedral Green was given a big red button as they have on Britain's Got Talent, then, at the right moment, we could all press it.

We can't all be Elvis, or can we? According to The Naked Scientist in December 2000: "There are now at least 85,000 Elvises around the world, compared to only 170 in 1977 when Elvis died. At this rate of growth, experts predict that by 2019 Elvis impersonators will make up a third of the world population." Yes, two billion Elves (not Elvi).

Last week we launched the Elvis photo competition. Thank you if you have already sent us your photo. What we're asking is that, when someone next asks you to pose for a photograph, you oblige with an Elvis pose. We'll show the best ones here. Last week I 'did an Elvis' at the County Show. Send them either as a jpeg to nino.firetto@exeter.fm or by post to Elvis Exeter FM, 6a Cranmere Court, Matford Business Park, Exeter EX2 8PW. Include your name and phone number. Remember, we won't be able to return your photos. Have a wonderful bank holiday — ciao!