LET me start with this week's soap news with DogEnders. The BBC has announced it will be revealing why Stacey Branning killed Archie in a special episode possibly called "Your wage is eating into our budget".

On a cheerier note, I was out and about this week at the Guildhall with Exeter FM's promotions woman Dani Spencer. We were giving away the new station car stickers. Dani was being polite and asking people in her gentle manner to accept one, while I just gave my quota to hot-looking women. Outrageous.

Stacy, my wife, just smiled and rolled her eyes at me — I kept them for my marble collection. We then headed for the gym where I burned 400 calories, followed by a hot steam. Stacy just did all the girlie things like stretching and yoga. Very hot she looked too. So I gave her a car sticker.

This week saw the anniversary of an Indian village which, in 2001, ordered all men to grow moustaches or pay a fine. I know several women in Italy who should be fined for NOT shaving theirs off.

Did you hear that Johnny Depp is returning to the Westcountry? Yes, after his stint filming Alice In Wonderland here, he is to return to shoot the fourth 'Pirates' film. Stacy has bought a snorkel, flippers and a rod in anticipation of paddling out to catch him.

I know I keep harking on about staying fit, but did you see the report on how many calories are in popular cinema snacks? Going to the movies can be hazardous to your arteries: I tend to polish off all my treats before the lights have faded.

According to the nutrition watchdog, a large bag of sweet popcorn could contain an alarming 1,800 calories. The large, salted popcorn wasn't that much better, containing 1,779 calories — the same as a three-course meal of pizza, garlic bread and tiramisu.

The large popcorn bags are intended for sharing, but are often eaten by just one person.

My advice is to take six friends with you and sit at the opposite end to the guy guarding the banquet on his lap.

Stacy and I had a great night out at The Rocky Horror Show in Torquay last Monday. Thanks to everyone there for looking after us. Tonight we are seeing Alice In Wonderland. It looks a bit weird to me but Stacy insists, so I'm taking a pizza.